Co-Dependency

This is an open share group in which you can work on boundary setting, establishing healthy relationships, and accepting responsibility for your own actions.

We have one Women's Co-Dependency group which meets on Thursday evenings:

Women's Co-Dependency 1

Click here for one woman’s codependency and divorce recovery story

Thursday Evenings
7:30pm
Pastor Tom's Office, Administrative Wing

What is Codependence?

1. My good feeling about who I am stem from being loved by you.
2. My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.
3. Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems or relieving your pain.
4. My mental attention is focused on pleasing you.
5. My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
6. My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.
7. My self-esteem is focused on protecting you.
8. My own hobbies and interests are put aside. My time is spent sharing your interests and hobbies.
9. Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires as I feel you are reflection of me.
10. Your behavior is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me 11. Your behavior is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.
12. I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
13. I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want. I am not aware - I assume.
14. The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.
15. My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
16. My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.
17. I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
18. My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.
19. I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
20. I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
21. The quality of my life is in direct relation to the quality of yours.

On the surface, Codependency messages sound like Christian teaching.

• “Codependents always put other first before taking care of themselves.” (Aren’t Christians to put others first?)

• “Codependents give themselves away.” (Shouldn’t Christians do the same?)

• “Codependents martyr themselves.” (Christianity honors their martyrs)

Those statements have a familiar ring, don’t they? Then how can we distinguish between codependency, which is unhealthy to codependents and dependents, and mature faith, which is healthy.

Codependency Says:

• I have little or no value.

• Other persons and situations have all the value.

• I must please other people regardless of the cost to my person or values.

• I am to place myself to be used by others without protest.

• I must give myself away.

• If I claim any rights for myself, I am selfish.

What does Jesus teach?

Jesus taught the value of individual. He said we are to love others equal to ourselves, not more than. A love of self forms the basis for loving others.